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The Holy Roman Empire
While it may or may not have been holy, the ancient 'Roman Empire' was different from the "Holy Roman Empire". Before America, the best country in the world was the Holy Roman Empire. Everyone in the entire empire worshiped in The One True Church. No one questioned the authority of the Emperor or the Pope, who were often related and perhaps even occasionally on good terms. History of the Holy Roman Empire How The Holy Balls Got Roman Charlemagne: Great Holy Roman Emperor, or the Greatest Holy Roman Emperor? I'm going to have to go with Greatest. After the fall of the un-holy Roman Empire, a lot of bad shit went down in Europia. There were barbarians and hundals and visigothians and celtics and Ghengis Khan and Attila the Hun and all those guys just everywhere. Everybody had the plague, and Robin Hood was stealing from Prince John to feed the poor, and the Crusades were trying to protect the Holy Lands from invading Moors. Nobody was quite sure what Moors were, but there were a lot of them, too. And then there was that guy, Vlad the Impaler, who became the legend of Count Dracula. Anyway, somebody needed to put an end to all this. So Charlemagne stepped up and started the Holy Roman Empire to get everything straightened out. But It Was German, Right? So, Charlemagne was a Germanish dude. Only there wasn't really a Germany yet. Just a bunch of German-like tribes or places or something. Prussians or Teutons or whatever - you know, all that Wagner stuff. So why did they call it "Roman"? Nobody in charge was Roman. It wasn't in Rome or anything. That is a very good question. Later On It wasn't German any more. It was Austro-Hungarian. This was because of the Hapsburgs. Somehow they got hold of the whole thing. Then they painted it all yellow. Not "all" obviously. Just the buildings. Lands of the Holy Roman Empire Most of the best parts of Europia fell into the Holy Roman Empire at some point during its glorious 1000 year reign. But the best best parts were in the middle, much like a Three Musketeers Candy Bar. So the Holy Roman Empire included what we now know as Austria, Hungary, Germany, The Czech Republic, parts of Poland (don't forget), Croatia, other parts of the Balkans, Romania, parts of Italy, France, the Netherlands, Switzerland, and some other places that frankly I can't be bothered to find out about right now. What, you want me to draw you a map? hmmm. Perhaps that would be helpful. What Made the Holy Roman Empire Great * Big * Ruled * No one to oppose them * You can't prove otherwise * Controlled written history What Makes America Even Greater * The TV * The Colbert Report * Nucular Weapons What the Holy Roman Empire Was Not * Holy * Roman * An Empire? * All of the above? Lessons To Be Drawn from the Downfall of the Holy Roman Empire None. See Also * Cullen Murphy